World History - AS IT REALLY HAPPENED: :rolleyes:
Humans originally existed as memebers of small bands of nomadic hunter/gatherers. They lived on deer and other game in the forrests during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and crabs in the winter.
The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization, and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups: Liberals AND Conservatives.
(Note: if comparing Liberal and Conservative ideology is going to irritate you, stop here :grin:)
Once beer was discovered, it required grain, and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can had been invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.
(Last warning :evil: :evil: :grin:)
Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to Bar-B-Que at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement.
Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting, learned to live off the Conservatives by showing up for the nightly Bar-B-Ques, and doing the sewing, fetching and hair dressing in return for food and drink. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.
Some of these Liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest become known as "girlie-men".
Some noteworthy Liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that Conservatives provided.
Over the years, Conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth - the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the donkey.
Modern Liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu and French food are standard liberal fare.
Another interesting evolutionary side note of Liberals: most of their women have highter testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are Liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule in baseball because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.
Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide for thier women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officer, corportate executives, athletes, soldiers and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives, who own companies, hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.
Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the producition. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the Liberals remaind in Europe when Conservatives were comming to America. They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.
Here ends today's History lesson. It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above. A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be immediately passed on to other true believers and to more Liberals - just to piss them off. :evil:
The Battle goes on... :grin:
(http://thesituationist.files.wordpress.com/2007/09/elephant-donkey-boxing-thumb.jpg)
I knew you'd find an appropriate cartoon :grin: :grin:. It's that time again!
Sp, this is what you morallly rightous republicans call intelligent design.
QuoteSp, this is what you morallly rightous republicans call intelligent design.
Looks like I hooked a big one................. 3 - L's in morally, is this a question or statement (punctuation), RIGHTEOUS has an "E", and WTH is Sp? Short for "sputtering"? :evil: Was steam actually comming out of your ears? :grin: Did that twitching eye go bonkers on you again? :grin: :grin:
Nope, just too fast fingers for the keyboard..... come on admit it, I got ya good after all the conservative republicans all believe in intelligent design so your history, if accurate, is God's intended desing and we all know that god is perfect and his word is never wrong and so his design must be perfect and not wrong. Do, you blithering conservative he man, bring me a beer and get me my steak! :4: